On All The Dire Considerations

Tamika Abaka-Wood
7 min readMay 28, 2020

Just in case.
So you know where I stand.
God forbid.

v0.1 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you to record my murder and share my dead body widely.”

v0.2 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body widely. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry.”

v0.3 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body widely but with trigger warnings. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you.”

v0.4 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body widely but with trigger warnings. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share.”

v0.4 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to permit news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible.

v0.5 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to prevent news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible. i understand that visualisation can wield power. i understand that if these acts are not recorded then the police can and will hide my murder.”

v0.6 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to prevent news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible. i understand that visualisation can wield power. i understand that if these acts are not recorded then the police can and will hide my murder. it is a real fact that if these acts are not recorded and the public is not angry, aggressive and violent but armed with unequivocal evidence of injustice, then you will be rendered powerless against that police officer.”

v0.7 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to prevent news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible. i understand that visualisation can wield power. i understand that if these acts are not recorded then the police can and will hide my murder. it is a real fact that if these acts are not recorded and the public is not angry, aggressive and violent but armed with unequivocal evidence of injustice, then you will be rendered powerless against that police officer. i know you know, but i’m reminding you that that individual officer is not being uniquely violent but this is a structural system designed to kill black people at large.”

v0.8 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to prevent news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible. i understand that visualisation can wield power. i understand that if these acts are not recorded then the police can and will hide my murder. it is a real fact that if these acts are not recorded and the public is not angry, aggressive and violent but armed with unequivocal evidence of injustice, then you will be rendered powerless against that police officer. i know you know, but i’m reminding you that the individual officer is not being uniquely violent but this is a structural system designed to kill black people at large. because this is america.”

v0.9 “this is a tweet saying if the police kill me, i want you, my friends, family and loved ones to record my murder and share my dead body with trigger warnings. But only in private spheres of black activists and true allies to shield my death from being used as celebration in white supremacist circles. i’m sorry i know it will break your heart over and over again. i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you. please compassionately tell black people to protect their peace — we have suffered and continue to suffer with trauma in uncountable ways — it is their choice alone to press play or share. i know my death will slowly move from the private to the public, and perhaps end up in dark corners of the internet. i’m sorry. please do all you can to prevent news outlets and media which are held together and exalted by the same racist structures to publish and profit from images of my death. i know what i’m asking here is near on impossible. i understand that visualisation can wield power. i understand that if these acts are not recorded then the police can and will hide my murder. it is a real fact that if these acts are not recorded and the public is not angry, aggressive and violent but armed with unequivocal evidence of injustice, then you will be rendered powerless against that police officer. i know you know, but i’m reminding you that the individual officer is not being uniquely violent but this is a structural system designed to kill black people at large. because this is america, an america in which whiteness relies on blackness. an america in which the notion of whiteness needs to be interrogated by white people, deeply.

v0.10 “i’m sorry this falls on you. i love you.”

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